About Dreams, Hopes, Plans and Works

Most of the time, I feel that I cannot differentiate dreams, hopes, plans and the actual works. I feel that I keep spending my time in the land of my dreams and hopes. There were times when I plan about something and then suddenly I was overwhelmed by my dreams and hopes. Often it happened because I put too much emotion in my plan. Then it grew, grew, and grew big and bigger until it overwhelmed me and I could not handle it, let alone start to work on it. Oh my, oh my. I understand that I am being too emotional with my plan until it stops me from actually making it come true by working on it and just perform the act.
It is funny that people do actually dream and hope about things that they cannot make come true, while I dream and hope about things that is actually going to happen. It's only after I dreamed about it and hoped too too much about it, it grew into too big until I could not handle it, too big and too perfect to be fail, in short too much emotional investment.
That's me, that's the stress, that what stops me from start to work on my plan. The strange thing is that I can immediately work on my plans if I am in a deadline. I am sure that I will get a kind of "head injury" after that probably because of pushing my brain to work too much, but at least I get the job done. My emotion is eating my brain.

Questions that I need to ask myself:
1. What will happen if I fail: nothing, I'll just make another plan and execute it, the only thing is that I should learn from my previous failure.
2. What will happen if I succeed: I will achieve something. But, the same cycle will happen that I have to make another plan and execute it again, the only thing is that I do not have to repeat the same process as if I fail to achieve it.

From the two questions and answers I realize that life is ever-changing, ever-planning and ever-working. I can and normally should dream and hope about things that seem too far to be reached. Then I must control myself not to dream on things that I should execute. I should remind myself that the disappointment is coming from dreams and hopes that I put (too much) in my plan, and not the result of the failure. My dreams and hopes are wild, crazy, silly, powerful, and they are the ones taking me here, to my present. Now, I have to talk to them again, peacefully, because they are powerful. I need to consolidate, letting them know that I am indeed living in my past dreams, the wild dreams and the silent hopes that I used to have. Then, making them realize that they should help me to create other wilder, crazier, sillier and more powerful dreams and hopes. Leap higher, Ratih!!! :)

The Intricacy of Gossiping, social bonding and friendship

Being a person who really love to gossip
I realize, this social activity is not merely talking about people, things, etc
There are a sort of recipient design and also a social obligation as a response of being addressed as the recipient of the gossip
There are also secrecy, trust, intricate detail and agreement or common ground

Somehow when you are given a gossip
It is meant to be somehow a secret
A hidden news in which you are being given a trust to receive it, to listen to it and to keep it

Thus, when someone gossips about something and gives their personal judgement as to why this piece of news carry such an importance, they somehow expect you to believe, expect you to agree upon their view
Try to reach you, make you and that person to have a common ground in which the opinion about this piece of information
And also, bond with you perhaps with the hatred or negative feeling with this sort of news

Gossiping about a celebrity and then give a harsh judgement on the behavior, though what the celebrity's been doing is not really a serious deviant in a social norm
So, you can think of why should you participate in condemning the celebrity??
When you are in a group, talking about that, judging about that and the group also judge about that...in conformity
You... are simply "forced" to adopt the group judgement or else you are merely an outsider

It's just a gossip
It's none of my business
It's not a serious matter

But when it comes about relation and bonding
We may have to rethink about how to verbally act in gossiping sequence as it is not merely as saying, telling and discussing gossip, unclear and perhaps secret new that can't be trusted
It is what's in the discussion, the moves in discussion
Be very careful, there are moves there that can secure or separate you from the relation and bonding with the people you are gossiping with

No wonder I love to gossip with my closest friends... :)

My Emotion and Memory

I remember one reading (forgot what) mentioning about how we actually memorize something and recall it based on emotional tag
The more "emotionally marked" will be easier to be recalled
While the less one will be just less memorable


I realize other thing too
That memory can involve so many things, if not all
It includes audio, visual, olfactory (smell), concept and of course the emotion, the feeling
I realize this as I listened to Katy Perry's song "Hot and Cold" and I suddenly smell gum tree in the air
It is so... funny? amazing? surprising? don't know what to call it


But then I recall
I used to listen to this song while walking between my class and bus stop in my previous campus
The Uni was full of gum trees
It was the beginning of summer, quite hot but not humid
And the smell of gum trees is so so strong in the air
At least for my nose that was not accustomed with that


Love it
Miss it


Realizing how my brain works with that memory makes me wanna just sit down and enjoy every dimension of it
The song, the smell, sounds of the parrots & how they flap their wings
The smell of my sandwich, lunch from Mellanie... ha ha ha won't forget it... with two cherry tomatoes in the bag
The shades of the trees
My footsteps on those sneakers
My fail hair style, it was so stiff and awkward
Nice friends, nice people, the bus driver, my survival mode
And the most important of all, my feeling
Tassy the dog, scratching cat and his sofa, so so so funny
I was really happy to be there, to have opportunity to learn again
In a new place, place that I never imagined before


I guess, that is how my brain works.... :)

The Meaning of Life is Living

Often we are forced to see things based on a certain framework
In order to judge, whether it is right or wrong, good or bad, beautiful or not, etc
But sometimes, maybe most of the time, things are just not meant to be judged

The more we see
The more we live
The more we learn
The more frameworks we have in our mind
Only by realizing the complexity we can understand that things are just what they are
Whatever judgement that we may cast on them

The danger is that
The more we think that we have seen
The longer that we think that we have lived
The more frameworks that we have learnt
We feel like we have seen them all

Well, I truly understand, that in living, it is better to adopt a certain framework in seeing our live
I truly also understand that lacking of that may result in....
can't say the word, can't really pinpoint what's going to happen
but people have this kind of urge to cling on something and,
feel like after settling down, choosing or clinging on something that things will be better
It might be true, it might be wrong
It is just that life is living, it is not about right or wrong
Or it is???


I'll leave it here
Life is for living
I guess things are just meant to be seen as what they are, with their complexity

Renungan tentang "Ngayah": Identity and Reflection


Last Saturday, I had an honor to meet this very famous dancer from Indonesia, Mas Didik Nini Thowok
It wasn't actually a meeting it was just 7 of us bugged him in his changing room after his performance
As he is a really really nice person, we got the chance to "talk" to him
Well, it was actually like we ask questions and he answered them
Anyway...
The meeting still lingers in my mind... I learnt a lot from that few minutes meeting
And here's a glimpse of it


"Ngayah" 
a Balinese word which means giving service for a greater good in a peaceful and humble way


If only I or people can really do ngayah to any work that they are doing.
No arrogance
No claim of authority
Since, every thing, knowledge or things that we create are just merely finding ways through us
And it is an honor to be the barer, to be the presenter of that
Just like how Liz Gilbert sees her inspiration & creativity as a different entity outside of herself
Freeing her from the burden of being creative, feeing her from the burden of being "the creator"


Learn the word
As a Balinese, seeing my identity as a part of the culture in which this particular word exist
I have to re-learn it, see how the word was and is still synonymous with the people & the culture
As a citizen of the world realizing that "ngayah" is not the only currency around, there are money, politics, respects and dozens of others
I have to re-learn it and find it's place... in the world...in my life.... 


Thanks to Elly Elviana for the opportunity to meet Mas Didik
And thanks a lot to Mas Didik for bringing this thought to me
Also.... I have to mention you guys, thanks a lot to my husband & Made Adi... :)

Discussing Lies and Guilts


How does people lie?
Is the question more on the process of lying,
more on the process of the reason that shapes the lies
or more on the guilts after lying that is so immense that makes lying becomes so unacceptable or unbearable for human?

Well I think those questions worth to explore.

First the process of lying
Hmmm....
Perhaps lying is the process of altering the fact
Next, what is fact?
I can comfortably state that fact is more on perception
I know this might result in a huge debate on fact and perception
Just like, if it is only perception, how can I explain that we are living in earth, that earth has gravity, etc etc
I wont refute that, but just bare with me
Sometimes humans have shared perception about a thing, perhaps from the process of formal learning or everyday cultural learning that sips deeply into our subconscious.... Then....
in other cases, humans might also have differing perceptions on almost everything.

Ok, about lying
So, safely, it can be said that as humans, fact is strongly based and related with our perception (I didn't refute what we identified as facts here)
As a consequence, altering the fact is also somehow altering or more or less on distorting our perception about things, issues, ideas, events, etc in our world

Just like ff we perceive a thing as  monkey but then we say that it is a donkey
it is easier when it is remotely unrelated
But what if we perceive something as monkey but we don't have the chance to see the monkey clearly and then we firmly describe it as a monkey? is it lying?
Well it's not based on what we really see, I kind of monkey, might be monkey, might not be a monkey at all...
It might be... I'll let you decide... hehehe

The second, reasons that shapes the lies...

I can think of millions of reasons why people have to lie

All of them perhaps can be attributed to survival instinct

A way to keep ourselves alive (physically and mentally), keeping our wellbeing, etc etc

And people act differently to different threat to survival, 

Threat is perhaps pretty much both universal and personal in that sense

Then, the guilts as a consequence come after that

I guess it's pretty clear where does the guilt come from

It is from our mental image of our perception that knocking on our conscious for us to deal with the discrepancies of what we perceive and what we admit we perceive

The guilt itself can provoke us to react in alleviating our guilts

or...alleviating the discrepancies

So, I guess we know now why when people lie, most of the time they don't want to be acknowledged as lying

Since, it can somehow advanced their discrepancies

Making them seeing the lies can make the discrepancies become even more obvious (which is subconsciously it is actually obvious but the conscious mind suppressed it)

And... the discrepancy will ask for consolidation

Break free the suppressed subconscious issue!

I guess this is human nature, people can not have two competing perceptions of the same object on the same head

Humans do not even have the ability to keep two competing perceptions in a house (remember those quarrels over TV with your parents, spouse or mates?)

So the guilts can come and haunt human....creepy

Something that we can learn from this human nature,

Do not lie, unless.... (fill that yourselves)

Good Luck with lying... !!!

ps. a human who lies a lot and is still in mentally healthy condition might have developed a superior perception consolidation system... "superhuman" :)

The danger of stress and the power of procrastination

I am just echoing George's Champ's lecture on the power of procrastination
Damn it is so so true

I always do that
Every time I met a new challenge, I procrastinate before doing that
Just to keep my head clear

Maybe that's what I call as mood
When I am too stress about something, I become "not in the mood"

So true so true

It makes me realize that taking my PhD is just like facing myself
most of all, learn about myself
Learn about how to deal with myself

Ha ha ha
Like splitting myself into two... or more
But it is so true and it is actually what happen

Disentangle my mind before going into "confuse" state of mind
So that I will have a clear mind before taking control and "equilibrate" my mind to reach equilibrium again
I guess that also explains those sleepless night when a concept just bugged my mind

Hmmm...
When it happens, I guess I know what to do
Try to forget it won't solve the problem
It wont go
Make peace with it, say to that "thing" that I have to disentangle my mind to procrastinate a bit so I can do something with it

Hope it will stay dormant there
or
Write or type it down and come back to it later after the disentanglement and... of course procrastination

I guess procrastinating is not that bad after all
"Vacation" will be better
I get the send or "forced dormation of the bugger" from procrastination
While in vacation, I get the sense of being peace with the bugging idea...

Well, perhaps they are all the same
The main thing is that, we need to take a rest
And rest is needed to think straight
That simple... :)

wish it would be that simple in reality... have a good vacation!!!

Equilibration... A Tribute to Jean Paul Piaget (1898-1980)

Has this word died out?
Or it just wasn't successfully been adopted to the mainstream of word usage?

Equilibration comes from two words
Equilibrium and calibration
More or less it means that calibrating to get to the equilibrium
When a person learns/absorbs a new concept, the concept will not just appear and exist in the memory as a single entry
The concept will be accommodated
Then, the concept will influence or shake whatever  the concept that person has before, I think it is fair to say this stage happens when people are being confused

Then...
it is important, after experiencing this stage, the person takes control and regain the equilibrium
Later, the person is not confused again, yet already having the new concept in their mind
Calibrating from confusion to get to the equilibrium with old and new concept exist together

The beauty of this word
It makes me realize that there is a bigger thing lurking in our mind when we are confused
It gives the emphasis on the control that we are having to bring the confusion to the next stage of understanding
Active learning, at least as a state of mind

That is how people learn
New concept is built on top of, into and with the previous one
Hence, nothing can escape, the old concept is not merely a remnant, static, the untouched temple, it is an idea, a concept which is indeed, continuously being adjusted, readjusted, arranged, rearranged, shaped and reshaped as a result of a new concept(s) coming

I learn and pick up this word as I read a volume on concept of learning (I forgot the title) in 2009
There I learn also about Skinner, Vygotsky, etc
Though it was a while ago, my mind is still captured by this very word of Jean Paul Piaget on concept of learning,
Equilibration...

The strength of 'Categorization' in Media Headline

Angie Sangkal Soal BBM, Rosa: Kok   Gitu    Yah    Artis?

 [name]      denied         about                    [name]     why       like that     [partc]      artist 

                                        BlackBerry Messaging                                            (refer to actress, singer, etc)

This was a headline taken from a lawyer's (Rosa) statement
This Rosa is currently defending one of the suspects of  a very high profile corruption case in Indonesia
This 'Angie' is a witness who denies all allegations from her client's testimony

Angie was (is) happen to be a former beauty pageant winner, actress, singer(?), writer, a politician, and a member of Indonesian parliament... maybe mom, wife, daughter, female, beautiful women, etc...

Applying Antaki's (1998) framework

What does this category of "actress" doing here?

Do we need to know all the inferences of artist (refer to actress, singer, etc) here to understand this headline?

Well. basically in Indonesian context, Artist (refer to actress, singer, etc) has categorical rich inferences identity

It has the inference of people who love to be under the spotlight?

Including superfluous lifestyle, constant married-divorce sequence?.... untrusted?

Why actress instead of her other categories?

I think when we read this we will just absorb the inferences and unconsciously start to doubt this witness' credibility as a person... then in turn her court testimonial...

What a 'clever' move of a lawyer...

Considering that Angie is also a suspect in the same case and previously being reported to have an excessive shopping habit...

Sequentially and contextually, we can see what does this 'Artis' category doing here

- superflous life style

- excessive shopping habit

It won't be a surprise that they will come with

- more untrustworthy sense?

- excessive spending + fixed salary (being a member of parliament) lead to corr....ption

Yeah right...

Now, let's try to imagine if this lawyer puts 'Mom' there instead of 'Artis'... na na, It wont do i, clever!

"the beauty of inferences"... keep peeling up the layers!!!

Law and Micro-social Interaction


"Pasal 43 ayat (1) UU No 1/1974 tentang Perkawinan diubah dan menjadi "anak yang dilahirkan di luar perkawinan mempunyai hubungan perdata dengan ibunya dan keluarga ibunya serta dengan laki-laki sebagai ayahnya yang dapat dibuktikan berdasarkan ilmu pengetahuan dan teknologi dan/atau alat bukti lain menurut hukum mempunyai hubungan darah, termasuk hubungan perdata dengan keluarga ayahnya".


Revision of Indonesian law of marriage:
Basically: children who was born to unmarried parents, has a legal relationship to both of their parents' family.
For fathers, this can be proven based on legal biological evidence.


Result of DNA research improvement... :)
Later may in a few years, if it is successful, we can see it incorporated in daily conversation of Indonesian.
Just like how the British avoid racial insult in daily conversation as a result of successful law enforcement of racial insult...


So exciting, hope it's going to be successful... see you in a few years with 
"legal children, an implication of successful law enforcement in Indonesia: a study of daily conversation".... :)

18 February 2012

Reading Schegloff's Turn Organization paper yesterday...
What is TCU beginning?
It must be directed towards the ending (TCU possible completion)
And... the ending is interrelated with the internal grammar

analogy...

What is good wife?
It depends on the husband...
What kind of husband that usually gets good wife?
It depends on their interaction in the marriage...
Such a cyclical logic...

Just like asking
Is it this?
Yes... but not really...
Then it must be this one?
Hmmm... can be, but not quite there


Hwaaah...