Most of the time, I feel that I cannot differentiate dreams, hopes, plans and the actual works. I feel that I keep spending my time in the land of my dreams and hopes. There were times when I plan about something and then suddenly I was overwhelmed by my dreams and hopes. Often it happened because I put too much emotion in my plan. Then it grew, grew, and grew big and bigger until it overwhelmed me and I could not handle it, let alone start to work on it. Oh my, oh my. I understand that I am being too emotional with my plan until it stops me from actually making it come true by working on it and just perform the act.
It is funny that people do actually dream and hope about things that they cannot make come true, while I dream and hope about things that is actually going to happen. It's only after I dreamed about it and hoped too too much about it, it grew into too big until I could not handle it, too big and too perfect to be fail, in short too much emotional investment.
That's me, that's the stress, that what stops me from start to work on my plan. The strange thing is that I can immediately work on my plans if I am in a deadline. I am sure that I will get a kind of "head injury" after that probably because of pushing my brain to work too much, but at least I get the job done. My emotion is eating my brain.
Questions that I need to ask myself:
1. What will happen if I fail: nothing, I'll just make another plan and execute it, the only thing is that I should learn from my previous failure.
2. What will happen if I succeed: I will achieve something. But, the same cycle will happen that I have to make another plan and execute it again, the only thing is that I do not have to repeat the same process as if I fail to achieve it.
From the two questions and answers I realize that life is ever-changing, ever-planning and ever-working. I can and normally should dream and hope about things that seem too far to be reached. Then I must control myself not to dream on things that I should execute. I should remind myself that the disappointment is coming from dreams and hopes that I put (too much) in my plan, and not the result of the failure. My dreams and hopes are wild, crazy, silly, powerful, and they are the ones taking me here, to my present. Now, I have to talk to them again, peacefully, because they are powerful. I need to consolidate, letting them know that I am indeed living in my past dreams, the wild dreams and the silent hopes that I used to have. Then, making them realize that they should help me to create other wilder, crazier, sillier and more powerful dreams and hopes. Leap higher, Ratih!!! :)
